Kristen Hancock isn’t always her easiest critic, but these days, she’s proud of her accomplishments. In her late 20s, Hancock has two part-time jobs — one in a grocery store and one in a daycare — and lives in a one-bedroom apartment by herself. Between work, a weekly exercise class and hobbies, Hancock describes her life as “very busy.”
In her free time Hancock says she likes doing anything crafty, although she especially likes latch hook. After a quick look around Hancock’s compact living area, I spy a latch hook rug in its beginning stages on the desk and a brightly coloured, although somewhat worn, latch hook rug in front of the television, which Hancock completed a few years ago. Each rug can take up to a year to complete and they aren’t particularly durable she says, but it’s one of her favourite hobbies.
To an outside observer, Hancock’s life is familiar because of its ordinariness. However, for Hancock, her jobs, her apartment and, in particular, her independence aren’t something she takes for granted. It took a lot of outside support and her own persistence to get to where she is today.
“I think there was a point, I mean, I’m not going to lie. I thought there was a point where maybe I wouldn’t [be independent] ever, but surprisingly that never was the case,” says Hancock, smiling, perched on a chair at her dinning room table. Self-possessed and good-humoured, she seems capable of achieving anything she sets her mind to.
Hancock was born with spina bifida, a birth defect affecting the spinal cord that can cause neurological problems and learning disabilities. In particular, Hancock has some difficulty with memory and balance, but is high-functioning and is mainly only troubled with balance “doing some yoga poses” or when using stairs that are icy or don’t have a handrail.
With life setting a few obstacles in her path, Hancock has, by appearances, managed smoothly, although she has had help. Hancock is quick to credit her parents with this fact and notes that they helped her find jobs and her own apartment.
“I’ve wanted to be independent for a very long time and I’m very happy that I’ve got to that point.
“Of course, it took me awhile to get to that point,” says Hancock, laughing, “a long, long time to get to that point, but I wouldn’t go back. I’m very happy living independently.”
Two days a week Hancock works for a few hours at a grocery store as a custodian and says, “The people are nice. I’ve been working there for quite a few years now.”
And for a few hours the other three days a week Hancock helps out at the daycare.
“I love the daycare. Playing anything with the kids, if I’m there that's like my happy place.”
Having lived on her own since her mid-20s, Hancock didn’t take much longer, if at all, than most people her age to start out on her own, which is a testament to her willingness and perseverance to reach her goals, even with the added difficulties of having special needs.
For some people, the driving force to become independent may be spurred by a wish to separate themselves from an undesirable situation. For Hancock, this was definitely not the case, and she describes her childhood as “very happy and very exciting” and sees her parents, who live a short way out of town, every other week or so. Rather, Hancock was spurred by determination to prove, not just to others, but to herself, what she was capable of. This meant knowing, since she was young, how she wished to live someday and setting goals to get there.
Living independently wasn’t the only target Hancock set for herself and accomplished in her young life. Hancock says she also knew for years she would like to work with children someday, although she’s not going to start resting on her laurels; she has since set new goals she’d like to achieve.
To begin with, Hancock says, “I’m hoping to maybe work in a daycare part-time at one job,” rather than holding down two jobs at once. In the future she says she might like to go back to school for an early childhood education certificate, too.
Right now, though, that’s still somewhere in the indistinct and undetermined future. Like most of us, Hancock isn’t immune to second guessing herself.
“You prepare yourself if you want to take a course on something, and you think about it now, even if it’s a long time coming,” says Hancock.
“I’ve thought about it so many times and, yes, it’s something I want to do, but then again, you wonder are you smart enough to do it.”
Questioning her own abilities is a bad habit that she says she’s trying to work on, though sometimes, Hancock admits, it’s not easy to change.
“I’m always the kind of person who puts myself down even though I shouldn’t, I’m sure most people do it,” she says
Living on her own, Hancock still has someone come in to help with anything she needs, especially cooking. Using the oven is something she struggles with, but sometimes cooking can be a gratifying challenge.
“I’m not too comfortable living by myself with the oven on,” she says. “I panic that night before I go to bed like ‘did I leave the oven on?’”
The stakes are higher with heat involved, so Hancock challenges herself with preparing food without the oven, too.
“If I try to make something easy, I try to do it myself before asking [for help] and sometimes I surprise myself by doing it and [I’ll] go, ‘holy crap, I can do it,’ you know?”
Even with the successes, Hancock says, being special needs, there’s always a voice of doubt.
“Like with cooking and taking a class, you want to do it, you put your mind to it, then you turn a corner and think, ‘well am I really that smart?’”
Stopping negative thought patterns is no easy task, but so far, it hasn’t seemed to slow Hancock down. In fact, it seems to have made her more determined. She agrees when I suggest that reaching a goal is more meaningful when you get there on your own, even after you second guess yourself.
And it certainly hasn’t stopped her from setting goals for herself in the future. For now, Hancock isn’t letting it hold her back.
“I just like the fact that when I get up in the morning I know where I’m going and what I’m doing and I get excited by that fact.
“Even though I’m special needs and I have spina bifida, I’m living on my own and I’m proud of that.”
