One day last week, having been overcome by an attack of egotism, I was singing and dancing in front of a large mirror, stopping at intervals to bestow fulsome praise upon myself. My long-suffering wife entered the room. Sparks of anger were flashing in her eyes. "If you don't stop praising yourself," she said, "I will get Stephen Harper to come and prorogue you." Quel horreur! My limbs tremble. This Harper is known to be a skilled proroguer. Proroguing is a hobby that gives him immense pleasure.
There are mean-spirited journalists who misunderstand Stephen Harper. They think our prime minister just shut down parliament because he didn't want to endure the endless questions and accusations of the mindless gang on the opposition benches who are blaming him for senators who can't count or read either rules or maps. In my opinion, nothing could be further from the truth. He needs a respite, as sensitive souls often do. He needs time away from the yammering of political opponents and their lackeys in the media in order to devise masterful solutions to all of his problems and, incidentally, to the problems of all Canadians. Have faith, fellow citizens. We are in good hands. All will be well.
On a personal level, I have one concern. If my wife succeeds in having me prorogued, I will no longer be able to argue with her or any other contrary person. Canada will be without the benefit of my tremendous store of learning and wisdom. I cannot read the future in a crystal ball, but I do have a fervent conviction that one day my support of Stephen Harper at this crucial time will be recognized as plain, unvarnished wisdom..
Somewhere I read there is a thing called an order paper which lists, in perfectly understandable language, everything the ruling party wants to do. Apparently, when parliament shuts down, the order paper is shut down, too. I think it is sent to National Archives, which will lose it immediately. I don't know what goodies were in the discarded order paper, but I think there were stricter laws, harsher sentences and more prisons, as well as pipelines and also ships and airplanes Canada will buy some day.
There must also be CETA, the Canada Europe Trade Agreement, which is expected to make all Canadians rich and some of them a lot richer. Unhappily, I must disagree with part of this pending treaty. Canadian water is Canadian water and should remain Canadian water. I fear passage of the deal might mean firms like Schimmel und Dünger Wasser Gesellschaft would be able to buy municipal water systems and sue the ones that wouldn't sell. I think some careless clerk left protection of Canadian water out of CETA and Mr. Harper hasn't noticed the omission yet. When he does. I'm sure he will fix it. (He has been very busy flying around up north.)
Maybe CETA can be ratified even when parliament isn't sitting That would be just dandy. We could save pots of money by getting rid of the Senate and the House of Commons and having the Prime Ministers Office do everything. We could have direct democracy; eligible voters could be asked about their opinions on every issue. Robo-calls would be good for doing that.
Fear not, fellow Canadians. We are in good hands. All will be well.
