I have been very fortunate to hold onto several friendships throughout the many ages and stages of my life. I am blessed with the comfort of friendship in my life. But it didn't always feel this way.
I have made friends as I have walked through the varying paths life has taken me. At no point, until I was nearing my 30s, did I consciously wonder how long we would remain friends.
You make friends as a child based on geography. If you are neighbors, close in age and don't despise each other, there is a good chance you will get to know each other, play together and become friends, to some degree.
When you go to school, you tend to gravitate towards people you share some sort of affinity with. Once again, you find yourself thrown together with people you don't know. You share the same school, classes and interests and you find companions to walk through the corridors of school life.
Then comes work. I have made many friendly acquaintances through work, but few of those friendships endure job changes and life transitions. I have felt so close and shared many personal stories with people I no longer remain in touch with. Yet in that coffee room, during those breaks, I felt like I had found a best friend.
There are friendships based on having children the same age, marriage and the interconnecting friendships that occur, extra-curricular interests, neighbours and all of the varying ways we are thrown together with new people as we walk through our days.
What is the magical formula that makes some friendships endure?
I was talking with a good friend and we started reflecting on the topic of close friendships. I feel beyond blessed to have such a patchwork array of supportive friendships within my grasp. But I haven't always felt this secure in my friendships. Something has changed.
I have been fortunate to have a friend at my side throughout the many challenges and joys of my life. But did I always feel safe to pick up the phone if I felt my life crumbling? No. I used to wait for the phone to ring. There were times when someone happened to call when I needed someone to talk to. Often, it was my sisters who came to my rescue. A family connection that transcended the miles and silence. I wasn't reaching out, but they heard me anyway and seemed to be there when I needed them the most.
When I moved to Saskatoon, I was a province away from the friendships I had accumulated throughout my life. So I wrote. I probably reached out more on paper than I ever did in person. I suppose a great number of my forever-friendships were sustained because I found it easier to write than to speak. Friendships were maintained, but they were at a distance.
My friend and I sat back and reflected at the true beginning of our friendship, which has blossomed from a close group of friends from work. We decided it was sometime around 1996. The month? We remember. It was September.
This friendship was born out of a birthday invitation for one of us among the group. At the end of that picnic birthday gathering, all three of us marvelled at how perfect the occasion was. Then we all confessed our shared "secret.” We found it easier to stay within the safe confines of our homes. Alone. Reaching out to a friend and stepping out of our comfort zone was hard for each and every one of us. But we did it. We met at a park, shared a birthday picnic lunch and the seed of a great friendship was planted.
Back to the endurance of the friendships I have. What is the secret?
Don't lose touch with those who are special to you. A phone call or a quick email lets a person know you thought of them that day. Even the annual tradition of sending a Christmas card can keep the embers burning on a friendship of long ago.
Nurture what you have and you never know what your garden will grow. I have a multi-faceted group of friends who I continue to feel close to. A few school friends, several keep-forever-work friends, a few friends from my childhood, some friends from the dance studio, one from my marriage and some from my daycare days. Not to mention family members who are also my friends.
I seem to have a friend representing each phase of my life. Some friendships get nurtured more than others, but I do my best to keep connected in some small way.
I am rich in so many ways. I have something money can't buy — friendships where years, miles and circumstances could have distanced us. Instead, given a little encouragement they have grown into the most beautiful collection of friends I could ever hope for.
Reach out to a friend today. You will not regret it.
