Sometimes the noise of regurgitated TV programs is interrupted by advertising. A burst of saccharine-sweet music heralds the appearance of an impossibly handsome man at the peak of his virile glory. He is just standing there in an opulent room, the cynosure of all female eyes. A melodic male voice describes what every other male can do to make himself equally princely. He needs hair, real or unnatural, cunningly coiffed and coloured, lotions to erase the lines on his clean-shaven face and fragrant deodorants with the romantic appeal of Omar Khayyam's garden. One can also imagine that, hidden by clothing that cost more than my last root canal, are piercings at various places in his hairless body that hold golden rings and other things. All of this male beauty is available in the pills, potions and lotions purveyed by the advertiser.
What I find most irksome is that he is dedicated to preserving a hairy pate while removing hirsute growths elsewhere. When I grew up I knew real men were honest. They knew a bald dome is the ultimate sign of virility. As an unreconstructed male, I am appalled by fashion which would make them elsewhere as hairless as watermelons. Men are supposed to be hairy and they are supposed to smell like billy goats. (Male goatishness is a quality which has helped to ensure the survival of the human race.)
In fact, I think in my old politically incorrect Bible there must be a passage exhorting men to remain in their natural state, which is hairy and unperfumed. I shall search for the appropriate chapter and verse as soon as I find the Bible.
Who are the button-pushers who dictate to normal men in this sinister way? I think they are part of a much larger conspiracy involving the perverted plotters who delight in telling other people what to think and do. The evidence of their evil designs is everywhere.
Television programming is a prime example. There are some superb programs, but they are sandwiched between huckstering, deceit, outright lies, bad taste and trivia. Among the trivia I include the celebrities whose lives are followed so slavishly by the media. There should be no room for them in the well-ordered mind. Society would benefit greatly if more people ignored the experts from cyberland and began to think for themselves.
Unmodified males still have their uses. The attempt to produce flower-scented males without fur is insidious. I can visualize the anonymous button-pushers chortling with glee as they prepare a directive advising men to shave their bodies everywhere and every day. With a straight razor.
Hairy generation, hairless generation, no generation. I fear for the human race.
