It is a good life
My life isn't perfect, but it is perfect for me.
That statement is my new motto. I said this out loud after living one of the most uncomfortable weeks in recent history. You know those days when you obsess about something that really doesn't matter and you can't let it go? It had been one of "those" weeks.
I do a decent job of dealing with life as it comes along. If something is running through my mind and making me uncomfortable, I try to do what is within my power to ease the discomfort and let it go. If an apology is required, I apologize. If I need to say something to stand my ground on some issue, I try to address it. If I need to do something, I try to do it so I can be done with it.
My mind is a rotating door of mini-issues I roll with on a daily basis. Most things are small. Other things need time to marinate. The odd little thing feels bigger than the rest but in reality, I have it pretty easy over here in my little corner of the world.
I work from home. I work for incredible people and I received the best compliment a caregiver can receive. One of my parents referred me to a co-worker who is considering changing daycares. This gave me an opportunity to talk with all of my parents as I investigated the possibilities of adding one more to the mix. These conversations pick me up and carry me when I feel like I am "not enough.”
I have discovered the most effective way for me to do my job is to sit on the floor with the kids and just roll with the day. How many people can say that about their job? Am I lucky or am I lucky?
While I've been sitting on the floor, I've found a different vantage point to my little world. I've grabbed a notebook and started dreaming again. So far the dreams are free, attainable and revolve around working with what I already have. All I need is a little bit of time, energy and one more set of muscles. I've been missing my dream state and I found it again. By sitting still, on the floor, with kids crawling all over me. Who knew it could be so easy?
When I lock the door and close the blinds at the end of my daycare day, I feel awash with peace, joy, contentment and ease. I tend to my after daycare duties, then I sit back and revel in my wonderful little world.
I live in a world where my work comes to me. I earn enough to live a comfortable life. Everything I need is within these four walls and if it isn't here, I have the ability to pick up the phone, write a card or letter or email and bring a little piece of the outside world in here where it is safe and comfortable.
We have our health. That is huge. It is beyond huge. I hear of the ailments, health issues, chronic pain and bigger than life worries that seem to be affecting far too many people within my little circle. I know how fortunate we are to wake up to life as we expect it each morning. I know this could change in a New York minute. I don't obsess about that fact but it does make me appreciate that which we have.
I think of all I have and am so annoyed with myself for letting little things get under my skin. When I waste time worrying over things that really don't matter, I chastise myself. I know better!
I developed the bad habit of comparing myself to others. I joined a Childcare Connection site and I read what other caregivers have to offer as they sell their daycare services to the masses. I don't have all they have to offer. I don't have the same education, letters after my name and all the food-safe courses under my belt. I run on 37 years of parenting experience, common sense and an open door policy where I communicate freely with the parents of my children. I'm "just me.” When I compare myself to others, I'm nothing.
I dropped that group. I don't need to fill my head with comparisons that make me feel like what I have, who I am and what I have to offer is any less than anyone else. I much prefer to live quietly in my bubblewrapped little world where I don't measure myself up to the world around me.
I'm tired of beating myself up. It is exhausting and self-destructive. I know I need a healthy dose of constructive criticism to keep myself on my toes, but not at the cost of crushing my hopes and dreams.
It is a good life I am living. I just need to sit myself back down on the floor and keep that new perspective in line with what I can effectively accomplish within the confines of this blissful little existence of mine.
