When I started to collect memories from my dad's family in anticipation of compiling them in book form, I started writing down a few of the things Dad taught me or told me over the years. These are life skills I have taken for granted and little habits I have developed because of something he said seemed so trivial as I was living my life forward. Yet when it comes to anything mechanical or household repairs, I hear Dad's words when I need them. His voice may be gone but his words are still within me.
It was after talking to a friend who is going through a devastating time in her life, that I truly came to appreciate the value of what my dad taught me over the years.
I married very young and had my marriage lasted, my dad probably wouldn't have overstepped his bounds with my husband and taught me some of the most basic things. The very last time Dad came over to my house, he showed me how to take a faucet apart. It was such a small thing, but I remember him commenting that he didn't know how far he should step when it came to these things because of how my husband may have felt about it.
My marriage was an intermittent one and I was on my own as much as I was married while Dad was alive. In retrospect, I can see where these separations allowed Dad the opportunities to keep teaching me things — how to check the oil in the car, how to change a tire, when to get an oil change. We talked about finances and debt. We talked about household repairs, vehicle repairs and I could always call him if I needed him.
I was young when I went through this tumultuous time. I had a fighting spirit and I believed anything was possible. When I found myself on my own, there was not a doubt in my mind that I would find a way to support myself. When the world of reality came crashing down on my shoulders, I knew I would endure.
I have a friend whose marriage broke down when she was 48 years of age. She never needed to have a job that would support her. Suddenly, that changed. She went from the role of daughter to wife without living a life of independence in between the transition. Her husband took over the "manly duties" of the household and she didn't learn some of the most basic things. I imagine her father trusted her husband would take care of her and teach her what she needed to know from that point forward.
I thought of her current situation and the road she had ahead of her. It was then I realized just how lucky I was to have the obstacles that I had in my life when I had them.
When you are young and resilient you still believe in the fairytale endings. When you have been valued as a child, your self-esteem will only take so much battering before you realize you should walk away from an unhealthy relationship. When you have been taught how to become independent, you have the greatest gift of all.
Much of what I learned was a combination of both of my parents. Their values and thoughts were reflected in each other and they taught many life lessons together, but apart. Not to mention the many things Mom learned from Dad that she also passed along.
The lessons I learned from my dad were cut short. Maybe that is why I place such value on them. When I heard my friend tell me how excited she was to just learn how to check the oil in her vehicle and know when she had to take it in for an oil change, I went silent. These are things my dad taught me. Some of the many things I have taken for granted.
Life is full of lessons. A lot of those lessons are not valued until long after the fact. We rarely stop and appreciate that some of our teachers may not be around for as long as we hope.
As a parent, I wonder what lessons my children will take and pass down the line. I hope some of the stories, memories and the lessons from my parent's will move through this generation and into the next. The older I get, the wiser my parents become. It is an honor to pass down some of these lessons from my dad.
