I visited with my middle son's daycare provider a while ago. My son was two years old when we met Addie. She cared for him until he was almost 11 years old. Nine years of drop-offs and pick-ups, and the stories that each one of us must have heard about the other (out of the mouths of babes, namely my son) over the course of time gave us each a pretty good sense of knowing one another.
Little bits and pieces of our lives came into view over the course of those years. Perhaps she knew more about me and our home life because you do open the door to "everything personal" at times, when raising a child together. She revealed little bits and pieces about herself along the way. Not the full picture. Just a glimpse.
I have spoken to Addie a handful of times before, during and after I decided to open and run my own daycare. The last time I spoke to Addie, she was in the process of winding down her daycare. She was weaning herself down gradually. Her husband had recentlypassed away and she was heeding the advice "not to make any big changes during that first year" after his passing.
Then we spoke again last month. She hasn't changed a bit from the Addie that I have always known. She was happy, upbeat and joking around. She has a realistic view of the world and portrays a belief that you just make the best of things.
What I heard most of all was a deep contentment that I don't think a person can fake. She has completed the process of weaning herself out of the daycare world but that doesn't mean that she isn't busy.
We touched on the serious in a language that is shared by "those who have been there." She spoke of her oldest son's issues with his father and that he simply could not forgive him. He (the son) saw "what his father did to his mother." Her youngest son has acquired the ability to separate his love for his father from his hate for his actions.
Addie brushed it off with ease. "Sure, I was afraid a lot of the time, but there were a lot of good times, too."?
She is not living in fear any more. That was the difference that I heard in her voice. She has become more of the person that she has always been.
She has no regrets. Her motto is (paraphrased slightly because I cannot remember her exact words) "You cannot live in the past. Live for today, because tomorrow is not guaranteed."
I can't begin to imagine what it is like to walk in another person's shoes. Like those who stay in jobs that are killing their spirit for reasons that have them believing that there is no better choice. There are those who remain in relationships that are not healthy.
As long as one can look back on their past with Addie's motto, which I truly believe she lives and breathes, that decision was right for them.
But when I see a person soaring to new heights after a lifetime of being in a situation that must have brought them to their knees at times, I can't help but wonder, why did they wait?
Everyone's best choices for their own situation are unique. As long as one doesn't allow bitterness and regret to taint their future , as long as one can look back and reflect on the good times, they have made the best choice that was theirs to make.
"You cannot live in the past. Live for today, because tomorrow is not guaranteed."
