I am eagerly anticipating the new Rogue One: A Star Wars Story movie in under a month’s time. But does anyone else think the trailers these days give out too much information? From watching the trailers, this is what I have determined so far. By the way, there’s no point in saying “spoiler alert,” since this is pretty much entirely gleaned from watching all the domestic and international trailers. Here goes:
Little girl’s genius father is impressed (kidnapped into military service unwillingly) by the Empire to design the superlaser for the Death Star. He tells her whatever he does, he does for her. Mom gives her a crystal on a necklace and says, “Trust the force.”
Mom is likely killed. Dad is taken. She grows up an unruly orphan, who gets in trouble with the law.
The Death Star is nearing completion. Her father sends a message out about this and its terrible power. Rebels intercept the message. There’s a new major weapons test imminent, and they need to know what it is and how to destroy it.
The Rebellion recruits girl into their scheme, since dad sent the message, she is their best chance at getting him to spill the beans about its secrets. She’s brought to Yavin IV, the secret Rebel base Darth Vader was seeking in the first movie. Once there, she’s formally asked to join and given her orders, since maybe she can get crucial information from its principle designer.
In the meantime, others are recruited for the mission (Think Blues Brothers: We’re getting the band back together, except for the first time.) Spies, mercenaries, assassins, and their ilk are recruited. One tough guy questions if she has the guts to carry through.
Something very important comes from a desert planet where there’s a city built on a mountain plateau just like Masada. The planet has a big, skinny pyramid that looks like other Jedi temples. Star Destroyers frequent the city, and it crawls with Stormtroopers. This planet once had statues the size of the river statues in Fellowship of the Ring, but of Jedi. Those statues are now toppled. It’s probably something to do with the technology in the Jedi light sabers, i.e. the crystals in it. Remember the crystal necklace? It comes into play here. The crystals are probably the key component in the Death Star superlaser. Rebels try to figure out what’s going on, get into a street fight.
Darth Vader shows up. Bad guy in white shows off new toy to him. Expect Vader to order the eradication of the city and its large Jedi temple to tie up loose ends or to punish them for harbouring the rebels. Death Star shows up and blasts the entire mountain from orbit with one shot. Weapons test complete. The good guys get away just in time.
The girl, now highly motivated by her father’s reappearance in her life, tells thw Rebel council, “Rebellions are built on hope!” She rallies the troops and leads a mission to find a weakness in the Death Star, by finding dad, first.
Dear old dad is working on some dark planet with a secret imperial base, still working on Death Star. He is menaced by a bad guy in white who kidnapped him 15 years or so before. The crew goes undercover to rescue dad and/or steal plans. A small battle ensues. Dad probably dies, tells daughter to get her hands on the plans.
Without dad, the Rebels go to some tropical planet where final assembly of the Death Star took place in orbit. They intend to nab the plans, which entails girl running with them in her hand while all hell breaks loose. AT-AT walkers try to hem them in, but they get away. In the meantime, as a diversion, the Rebel fleet attacks a giant doughnut space station where Star Destroyers dock, nose-in. A few X-wings lay eyes on the Death Star, but are wiped out before they can report back.
In the doughnut battle, the X-wings get their butts handed to them, which explains why there were only about 30 fighters left when the Death Star shows up at Yavin at the end of A New Hope. This might also explain why the fleet of frigates and corvettes, seen in the trailers, were not present at the battle at the end of A New Hope.
The battle does not go well on the tropical planet for the Rebels.
Rebels get away, just barely, from tropical planet with the plans. Most of her crew wiped out, the girl jumps on Tie fighter to escape. (Nearly all the above came from the trailers. The remainder is an informed guess.)
Vader cuts them off and they are about to get wiped out when they transmit the plans to the Tantive IV, Princess Leia’s ship. She confirms receipt (this is the big surprise, unsurprisingly). Rebels are killed. Vader pursues Tantive IV with his star Destroyer seen at the doughnut. It catches up with the Tantive IV over Tattooine and opens fire. Credits roll.
So, does anyone else think the trailers are giving too much away?
— Brian Zinchuk is editor of Pipeline News. He can be reached at brian.zinchuk@sasktel.net.
