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That which makes a house a home

Life As I Know It
Colleen Crawford

I received an invitation from someone I worked with several years ago. She asked me over for coffee. "Are you free this evening or tomorrow evening or on the weekend?"



It has become so hard for me to say "yes" to a future date. My all time favourite way to live life and accept invitations, is on the spot. Since the only date she mentioned that worked for me was that very same night, I quickly accepted and was headed over to her place before my brain had a chance to process how hard it is for me to follow through when I say "yes.”

This friend feels close to me in age and life experience and she seems happy. Really, really happy. She retired a year ago and the way she speaks of the time she spends with her husband, it sounds like they thoroughly enjoy each other's company.



They are both retired, in good health and enjoy doing what they want to do. It sounds like they get as much pleasure from sitting down and watching a movie at home as they do taking a European river cruise.



I sat and gazed at the sun room we were visiting in as she prepared a little snack for us and all I could think was how "loved" their home felt.



Grandeur and excess does not make an impression on me. Loved, however? That is exactly the look I am going for within our home.



Normally I don't notice anything about a friend's home except for the way I feel when I am sitting still and visiting within it. Warm, welcome, accepted, safe. This, plus so many more descriptors are all I normally really take home with me after visiting someone. The appearance or details about their house doesn't stick. The feeling does.



That which makes a house a home is what stands out to me. Mom's house = safety, security, comfort and all things family. Any one of my sibling's homes = family, love, warmth, a state of welcome. My friend's homes = friendship, acceptance, comfort, warmth. Intermix all of the above and this is what I remember when I leave someone's house.



Yes, I love enjoying that which makes their house a home to them. I fully appreciate those kitchen renovations, the new flooring, the updates, the makeovers, the little things that take so much and mean so much to you. I feel exactly the same way when I enhance that which I already have within my own home. I appreciate your excitement when you make those improvements, big or small.



The creature comforts of home are different for each and every one of us. When I walked out of my friend's home that night, it was the first time in a very, very long time that I thought, "I want to strive towards what she has."



She is happy, relaxed, at peace and so comfortable in her life. I love listening to the way she talks of her husband. There was a positive feeling behind her words when she spoke of him and she used the words "we" "our" and "us" often. Those are my most favorite words within a relationship.



And their home. It simply feels "loved".



Our home has felt so sorely neglected that I hadn't even noticed I have stopped inviting people into it. "Let's meet for coffee" is big in my vocabulary. In other words, let's go to a place where no one has to worry about what state their house/home is in. Neutral territory.



Yet when someone invites me into their home and we just sit still and visit, we could be sitting in a hovel for all I notice and care about.



It is the state of feeling welcome that I remember and want to exude when I invite people into my world.



"Loved" and "welcome.” Add that to a state of ease, comfort and a feeling of "you are safe here" is really all I want. I am getting distracted by paint and windows. I just want our home to feel and look like it is valued. That is my true goal.