There is often much written to appease the lonely and broken hearts around Valentine's Day. I have read articles where single parents were singled out and honoured. I have never considered myself to be one who deserved any special honour. I am not saying this is true for anyone but for me, single parenthood was the easy road.
My marriage was hard. Really hard. I have raked myself over the coals enough times over the years, and reconciled enough times to know it really wasn't all my fault, to forgive myself for my part within that particular partnership. It wasn't healthy. Not for me. Not for my children. And I don't even think it was healthy for my ex-husband.
When I forged out on my own, I had only my children to worry about. I had only my own expenses and needs and those of my children to pay for. My attention did not have to be divided between my children and maintaining an unhealthy marriage. I felt like I lost a dependent when I left my marriage. It was ever-so-much-easier for me to take care of my children when there was so much more of myself to give.
I didn't do this all on my own. I had family members who stepped in and shouldered some of my responsibilities over the years. Much more, when I was a young parent. Less and less over the course of time.
Sure, I had only one pay cheque. But I had only one adult to provide for. Adults can be expensive to maintain. When you are single, the expense is not doubled every time you look around. Everything is just a little more affordable when you multiply it by one and then tack on a small surcharge for each child.
I can make an “executive decision” on a whim and make spur of the moment plans without consulting a partner. I am in the driver's seat of my life and can choose what to do, where to go and how much to spend. Or not. Sometimes it is easier to just stay home and savour the quietness if you don't have someone in the wings, who is not content with that same choice.
My vantage point is extremely skewed because I didn't have children who demanded more than I had to give. Wanted? Perhaps. But demanded? No. My kids seemed to understand from a very early age, there were limits on spending. For the most part, it seemed like they simply accepted that was their lot in life and we carried on.
Maybe I didn't have a husband to share the load, share the good, the bad and the ugly. But I didn't feel alone. My “village” was around me even when I couldn't see them. I had support in the wings all the way along this voyage. As I said earlier, I speak for no one but myself. I know I was and am one of the fortunate ones.
Can it be lonely? There have been times. But the longer one lives the life of singlehood, the less you can imagine truly opening the door and letting someone new walk in. There is great comfort in living a familiar life.
I attended my 35-year class reunion a few years ago and with almost every single person I met, there was a void you could feel within them as they talked of marital break-ups, singleness, single parenting and the quest to find “someone.” I didn't really see the difference between “them” and “me” until my friend pointed it out. She told me I was one of the few single people she knew, who was completely content with life as they knew it.
Sometimes it takes someone looking at your situation from the outside, to see what you have all along. I am so very fortunate to live the life that I live. I don't bask in material wealth, I don't long for what I don't have. I do long for a well-maintained home, though. I revel in what I do have. There is peace and contentment within my heart and my home. My family unit is cohesive. Our health is good. I am earning a living doing what I want to do. From where I sit, it just doesn't get any better than this.
Would sharing my life with someone special enhance or detract from what I already have? Who knows? Maybe I'll find out one day. Maybe I won't. But I am good with either direction. All we really have is “now” so it is good to soak up that which you have because you simply don't know where the road is going to turn from here.
