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The military solution

History and Commentary From a Prairie Perspective
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As a Canadian patriot, I once again place the ruminations of my brilliant mind at the disposal of my government in Ottawa, without any desire for recompense, either in bags filled with loonies or in medals for my swallow-tailed coat.

Having been outraged by the purchase by a previous administration of a number of dilapidated second-hand submarine from the Brits, I have searched for source of supply where the sellers do not behave like prevaricating used car salesmen. I found one.

In 1984, the rulers in Moscow had in their fleet what they called an Alfa Class nuclear-powered submarine that was then the fastest and deepest diving submarine in the world. One of these boats could travel at 49 knots submerged. That’s faster than any Canadian naval vessel can travel on the surface. Certainly 49 knots is faster than the speed of the British cast-offs, up top and in good condition. Also, it has taken a long time to get them into reasonably good condition, even longer than an audit of senatorial expense accounts. The Alfas are over 30 years old now and a couple of them should be available at used submarine prices.

The Russkies also had some very good surface ships in 1984. They had a Krivak Class frigate of 4,000 tons that could travel at 31 knots and carried more weaponry than most Russian cruisers. The oldest Krivak would be 39 years old now. We should be able to get a couple for a rock-bottom price.

There were also some good destroyers in Moscow’s fleet back in 1984. They had a Kashin Class guided missile ship of 4,850 tons that could hit a speed of 36 knots, which is much faster than any surface vessel in the present Royal Canadian Navy. There should be some Kashins in the Russian used destroyer lot.

A top-line Russian aircraft, if we could buy one, would probably be too expensive for Ottawa’s purse. The new Sukhoi Pafka multi-role stealth fighter, in the air now, outclasses the American F-16 and F-18. It is probably better than the F-22 the Americans want to sell us. It could be cheaper, too. We won’t know what an F-22 will cost until we see one that will perform as it should.

How can we afford to buy military hardware from the Ruskies? The answer is simple. The Russian ruble is dropping like a mountain avalanche. Moscow needs to pull in some foreign exchange. Among the most traded currencies in the world, the loonie is seventh. The ruble is 12th. We can find some good used stuff, manipulate some currency and buy Russian.

Of course anything we might buy would have instructions in Russian. This apparent problem might really be an advantage. We could train Canadian forces people to read Russian and, after retirement, they all could become spies.

I expect no reward for my patriotism. I write this out of the goodness of my heart with the intention of helping my government in Ottawa.