There is an elderly word in the English language (stolen from the French) that is aching to be used. The word is trumpery. It means “something showy but worthless.” There you are, amigos. Indaublemente. It hugs Donald Trump just as tightly as a straitjacket.
Donald would solve the problem of Mexican border-hoppers. He would send all illegal immigrants back to Mexico and then permit the good ones to come back. Being from the Canadian boondocks, I am unable to fathom how this brilliant proposal would work. It has occurred to me that every Mexican baby would have to be labelled shortly after birth. This could be done by permanently tattooing on some normally visible part of the anatomy beuno or beuna or malo or mala, whatever the gender and state of virtue of each infant might be. I don’t know how Candidate Trump is confidant in knowing which baby will be a border- hopper, but I am sure he thinks the good Mexicans stay at home because they are prosperous and contented. Induablemente, Mexican drug lords are prosperous and contented homebodies. Madre de Dios! This is becoming very confusing. Simple-minded Canadians must leave it for Candidate Trump to sort out.
One of the Republican mob who wants to be president has expressed no aversion to the idea that there should be a wall along all of the northern border. I am not sure whether it is intended to keep Americans out or Canadians in. Never fear, compatriots. At an appropriate time, Candidate Trump will explain everything to us, including how Canadians will be able to pay for it all by ourselves.
If the proposed wall is to keep Canadians in, I assume all of Candidate Trump’s grand design must apply to us. Since we Canadians are the champions of discretion, I am prepared to suggest that newborn Canadians be tattooed in a normally unseen anatomical location. Buttocks would be good. A male’s left buttock could be labelled “good” and a female’s left buttock labelled “better.” Again, according to Trumpology, the good ones would stay home and Candidate Trump is the wizard who can divine who they will be.
I am reluctant to suggest labels for undesirable female babies. How about an insulting word in French, eh? Our party leaders are fluent in French. They know lots of insulting words, which they will probably use in the current federal election.
On the election trail Canadian politicos are usually more polite than American. They are also more adept at delivering tedious non-answers to every question. We don’t have a stand-up comedian like Trump in Canadian politics. We could use one. He may not be enlightening, but he is entertaining.
Incidentally, if there were a fence along our southern border, I would never try to get over or under it. In my opinion, the United States of America is not the Greatest Country on Earth, Canada is, or at least it is likely to be after the next federal election.
