During the holiday break my wife dragged me back to Winnipeg, Man. to visit her family. On our trip we passed Elie, a small town outside Winnipeg on the Trans-Canada. In 2007 the town was rocked by a tornado. I'll never forget that night, not because I was there, but because of what happened that night to me when we lived in Winnipeg.
Not aware of the swirling cloud just west of us, my then pregnant wife was afraid our lawn chairs would take off in the wind. Of course I was not willing to argue with a pregnant woman, so I complied and went outside and braved the thunderstorm. I tried my best to gather the chairs, until I heard not a thunder clapping sound but a crunching sound. Spooked I ran back inside and confessed to my wife that I got scared and didn't feel safe getting the chairs and hoped she valued my life more than the chairs, and she did.
The next morning we awoke to find the neighbour’s tree had fallen into our backyard and was smothering the lawn chairs that I was asked to retrieve. I learned two things, if not more, from this experience.
First is to trust your own instinct. Whether you call it your gut, Jiminy Cricket, heavenly promptings or inner voice, trust it and listen to it. I have learned if you don't listen to it there is a backlog and you won't hear from it. Like a physical muscle you need to use it or it will weaken.
Second is to trust your spouse’s instinct. If they mention discomfort or fear, listen to them. For example, recently my wife felt like our daughter shouldn't attend an extra-curricular function. I agreed to follow her instinct. Of course nothing extraordinary happened; there was no fire, peanuts were not served and there was no storm. Neither did anything happen at home. Of course we will never know if anything would have happened, nor should I chastise my wife for expressing fear over something that didn't happen.
If you haven't been listening to your inner voice, start to. If you haven't been listening to your partner’s voice, start small. It's different to follow your own gut feeling to that of someone else.
If your gut feelings disagree, discuss it. Understand each other’s history and context, and try to understand the feelings from your partner’s perspective. See if doing such a thing will help you become one in your relationship.
As you start to listen to yourself and others, you'll be surprised how it will impact your relationship.
And who knows, if I hadn’t trusted my gut feeling that night and my wife hadn’t respected it, that could have been me buried and smothered by my neighbour’s tree.
