Trusting the moment

Colleen Crawford

"The world knows. Don't rush the moment. Trust in the moment you are in." These are the words I typed at 7:23 yesterday morning. Five minutes later, my world as I know it started to change dramatically. By the end of the day I discovered life as I know it is going to be completely upended within three weeks.

I gave my daycare families four months notice that I was closing my daycare at the end of the year. I knew this could happen. I just didn't think it would happen so suddenly. By the end of this month, only 14 daycare days away, I will be down to taking care of one child. One mouth to feed, one child to watch over, one nap time, one child, no other friends. One income. I have three weeks of income at my regularly budgeted amount. Then I'm down to 20 per cent of the income I was anticipating for the remainder of the year. Yikes.

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"The world knows. Don't rush the moment. Trust in the moment you are in."

Deep breath. OK. I knew this could happen. I didn't think it would happen. I needed it to happen. It's OK. I'm OK. This is happening for a reason. 

I was somewhat concerned that after my mini breakdown during my summer holiday, I would end up running my daycare until Christmas, the Christmas holiday would be a blur and I would be starting a full-time bookkeeping job immediately thereafter. I wouldn't end up with a break. I knew I needed a break. I am now getting a break. A pretty big one in fact.

The last daycare child standing is going to become a big sister in December. I may only have her until the end of November. I may end up with close to a month off. This is scary. This is exciting. This is big. Change is happening and I'm actually going to have the time to embrace it, move with it and I will be forced not to take any flying leaps into the unknown. Because I will still have one child to tend, I will still need to be available nine hours a day, five days a week. I can't jump because I still have a responsibility here.

I'm grateful I simply cannot leap right now. This precipice is a little bit scary, but it is exactly where I want to be. I didn't want to jump directly into another full-time job when I closed up my daycare. This is exactly what I wanted. The reality is a little more nerve wracking than I expected. But I am leaning into it and trusting this is exactly where I need to be.


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